Vegetarian Adventures

Without intending to, I suddenly had the opportunity to create a little challenge for myself and I willingly took it on: Be a vegetarian for 7 days. A friend of mine suggested that I should write about it and I thought it was a good idea, so here it is...

For the past couple of months, I have been consuming a lot more raw vegetables and fruits, due to some added influences in my life and luckily for me, I love fruits and vegetables! In the meantime, I continued to eat meat and fish in conjunction with my meals, as I have my whole life. This past Tuesday, I unintentionally had a meatless day...a rarity! I realized this during dinnertime on Tuesday and spontaneously decided to turn it into a challenge for myself. By Wednesday afternoon, I had continued eating meatless and didn't come up with a duration of time that I was going to do this for. By Wednesday night, I decided to try it for one week. Simple enough, right?

I got to weigh myself for the first time in over a month this past weekend and I was a little sad to discover that I weighed the same as a month ago. The good part is that I didn't GAIN any weight but I would definitely like to be getting more fit and losing weight. This also prompted my idea of doing this challenge. I realize that lack of time in my schedule proves to be a challenge to helping me achieve these goals every day and am currently working on making my schedule better suited to also fit in more gym/cooking time.

So far, it's been pretty easy. The only time I was thinking about meat or seafood was when I was starving late last night cause I was working late and hadn't eaten dinner yet. Otherwise, it's been pretty okay. Some things that I think have been helping this process along:

1.) WATER! Drinking tons of water always fills me up and makes me feel full. That has helped with supplementing all of my meals.

2.) I don't know if this has necessarily contributed to helping or not, but I haven't drank any soda thus far. I was limiting myself to one Coke Zero or diet soda per day at lunchtime before this and haven't drank any for the past 3 days. I don't know if that's something that will last though, to be totally honest.

3.) Giving myself tons of options. I keep walking into work with a big plastic bag full of vegetables/fruits/yogurt/hummus/nuts/etc. (my boss probably thinks I'm a little crazy). I never eat all of them, of course, but having those options open to me makes me feel like I am not limiting myself just because I cut out meat.

4.) Making it a goal to cook recipes. Making the effort to find a recipe that looks good to me, then going to the grocery store to buy all of the items, and planning when I will make the recipe is something that really excites me (meatless or not) and it helps make the process exciting and fun for me, cause not only am I trying out something a little more healthier for a week, but I am also getting to do more of something that I always want to make more time for: cooking great meals at home!

GOAL: Working out more in conjunction with this little challenge! I haven't had a good work-out since Monday cause I've been literally too busy to fit it in anywhere (18 hour day yesterday, 13 hour day on Tuesday, and another 13 hour day today!) but I am hoping to fit it in on Friday morning, Saturday, and Sunday, at least!

Until next time...

Sudden Combustion of Emotion

"The Simple Days"
Uncle Billy (L), Mom (R)

Soon after celebrating my 26th birthday earlier this month, my Uncle Billy passed away a mere two days later. He had been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia when I was still an infant and from that point on, led a life that slowly deteriorated in quality. He lost everything he cherished such as his home, his wife, his children, his ability to hold a job, his independence, his ability to make decisions for himself, and his ability to function in everyday tasks that we often take for granted. He even started to lose his ability to be the person that he truly was as his real personality slowly left bit by bit, never to return. At his best, I remember him as someone that loved kids, loved to smile, loved to love. He loved his family and my Mom (his sister) with all his heart and wanted nothing more than to show his love. He was happy-go-lucky and I always remember him smiling and laughing. Even though I had not seen that version of him in many years, that is always the version of him that I will remember. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about it and there are many inappropriate moments where I want to curl up in a ball and cry about his life being lost to a short bout of lung & heart cancer and the pain & grief that still resides in all of us.

While a large part of me is still sad and will never forget this experience, I also think that his death meant something very important to me. I had always been a big promoter of doing what makes you happy and not being afraid to take risks to attempt a life of true happiness. I always preach and encourage the people I care about the most to lead a life like this, yet no one could have benefited more from listening to their own advice than myself. In the past, I was the girl that played it safe. The girl that only took calculated risks and while I may have the guts to do small things that not everyone can do, I also lost my ability to do certain thing that the masses find simple to accomplish. I always recognized this within myself; it was like my little secret that I carried around in my heart and I lived behind the illusion that no one else noticed. But here I was, a mere three weeks ago, with a family member that passed away. Someone that had such a life of sorrow and couldn't change anything to be the person he truly was. What a fool I had been to waste time and live behind my screen of security and not be who I really want to be. Hours of my life had been spent thinking about being that person, but not doing.

Okay, so now you're asking yourself...what "THINGS" is she talking about? Well this might seem ridiculous to some but for example, I always wanted to try and go to a movie alone. By myself, unescorted. Just to be able to say that I did it and maybe learn that it's not so bad and IS something I could do if I wanted to. MAYBE it could even become a regular occurrence. As soon as everything with my Uncle Billy's death was settled and I ventured back to my life in North Jersey, I decided that I was going to do it. One evening after I worked both of my jobs, I hightailed it to the movies. Prior to sitting in that theater, I was eager and excited. "I was finally doing it!" was all I kept thinking and I was feeling happy and self-satisfied. Movie previews started rolling and I still felt that self-satisfaction. Same thing with the "Locate the exits in case of emergency..." announcement. The movie started playing; quiet music as the camera panned through some mist and fog and actors names started to drift in view...and I started to bawl my eyes out. Unexpected, uninhibited hot tears just started pouring out and I was sheepishly rubbing them away, hoping no one was noticing.

While I was baffled by this sudden combustion of emotion, I realized later that this happened because my Uncle Billy had died and I wanted to do something about it. Nothing could've been more of a wake-up call for me than for him to die and for me to learn that I can't sit on my ass and wait for life to happen the way I want it to. If I want life to be a certain way, I have to MAKE IT HAPPEN. More importantly, I need to do more things for myself that I have been perpetually putting on hold. In the blink of an eye, one...two...three...five...seven years have passed where I keep pushing off what I WANT to do and thinking I have time to do it later. There is NO LATER. You are not guaranteed the "later" of life. My life has drastically changed in the mere 18 days since he has passed and I have been living much more fearlessly than I had in the past and so far I do not regret a single moment. Not only did I learn a valuable lesson, but for the first time in years, I am looking forward to what my life will have in store for me and the adventures that I have yet to take! How easily we get used to the mundane stance of living in a box of routine and obligation and doing the "right" thing!

No one knows better than me that my Uncle Billy and I were not the closest that we could've been, but I always cared about him from the first moment and I never stopped caring for him. I always knew he didn't want to be the person he had become, that it wasn't the true him. And while I would do anything to have him back and not see my Mom so full of grief and sorrow, I am not God or the keeper of life and I cannot change the fact that he left us at a young 53 years old. So this is me, making the best of what I've been given...

...thank you for all your love and for being much more than you ever knew or felt like you were.

My Weekend in Review: September 2nd-5th!

My Weekends in Collage...

Catching up on "My Weekends in Collage"...

DAY 30: Whatever Tickles Your Fancy...

Today marked the end of my Uncle Billy's life. After having a stroke on August 7th, we found out that he had Stage 4 cancer in his heart and lungs. He passed away peacefully around 1:30pm in hospice care. The last 3+ weeks have been stressful and full of a wide range of emotions. On and off, the world feels like a fog at moments, but most of all I feel relieved that he is no longer suffering and I'm starting to think about what I can take away from this experience.

My uncle had a rough childhood and as he started to build his own happiness, he was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. Ever since then, the disease slowly deteriorated his quality of life and level of happiness.

While it will never make sense why his life ended in such a way to me, I will always remember the man that he was when I was a child and how much love he had to give to the people he loved most. Most of all, my Uncle Billy has reminded me that I need to make most of the life that I am given. His death was a wake-up call to everyone to re-evaluate their lives, especially me...

Uncle Billy, I am so glad you are no longer suffering in this world. I truly believe you are happier wherever you are and with the people that mattered the most to you. We will always love you and miss you...

R.I.P. William Thomas Hurff II
January 18, 1958 - September 3, 2011

My Weekend in Collage...

...an idea inspired by the actress Bethany Joy Galeotti, whose blog I really enjoy reading and looking at. This is my "Weekend in Collage: July 29th-31st"...

DAY 29: Hopes, Dreams and Plans for the Next 365 Days...

To me, hopes are the feelings that I have about ongoing situations while dreams are situations that do not exist yet and plans are the steps to help bring these dreams into fruition.

Hopes

That a certain person in my life will regain faith in themselves and realize how beautiful life can be if they gain that faith back. I want this same person to work the hardest they have ever worked in their lives to bring all the pieces of the puzzle known as their life back together and realize how loved they are by so many people. Most of all, I want them to realize how the alternative only makes the whole situation worse in ever aspect and hurts everything and everyone around them, especially me.

That I can get my life more in order financially, which will lead to a lot more happiness for me. People often say that money can't buy happiness, but I disagree with that statement. When it comes to being stressed around the clock and having just enough money to be content and stable, it can buy happiness. So I strive for that content & stable ground and I will do anything to achieve it.

That I can get more healthy in the next year and lose some weight, but more importantly, just make working out more of my regular routine.

Dreams

That I can be a little happier all around in 2012 than I have been in quite a few years.

Plans

Making sure that my hopes and dreams come true in the next year. Quite simple.