As the summer has passed, I've often had small moments where I realized that my 25th birthday was quickly approaching and would immediately shove the thought out of my mind, back into oblivion. As soon as August 1st came, I had a twinge of utter panic, to know that my birthday was only one more month away. Now there is only two weeks left and I'm only now starting to warm up to the idea of 25.
Whenever others have started to freak out about any age, I always gently reminded them that there are so many people that do not get to see that age, no matter how old or young the person was. For the first time, I'm really upset about a birthday and realizing how it feels to be upset about "just another number". Why am I upset about 25? I think because 25 years old symbolizes a point in one's life where they should have it all together and figured out. At least, I always had that myth floating around my head all these years. I always thought that 25 would be a time where I had my life so much more together than I actually do. I would have the dream career, a great car, my OWN place, a steady significant other, complete financial stability, exploring myself through hobbies, living out dreams each day at a time, and traveling to new places whenever I could. In actuality, I have a great career, a pretty reliable car that I'm using and ABUSING, living with my father, single as can be, in the midst of financial mayhem, not having enough time to even read a book let alone exploring new found hobbies, and traveling to the same places all the time.
My 25th birthday was freaking me out cause it was a huge reminder of what things I had not done for myself, that I should have been working on or had completed already. After keeping these feelings to myself for several weeks, I finally allowed myself to talk about it to my dear best friend. Even though I was aware that my peers felt similar feelings to varying degrees, it didn't really help as consolation, but now I'm back to being grateful to be alive, relatively healthy, and turning another year older. Another year to get it right...! I guess I just needed to vent out my true feelings, instead of suffering in silence. Never again. September 1st will be a day to smile and bask in being a twenty-something figuring life out one day at a time. :)
The age of the 20-nothings. It shouldn't be judged the outcome of what we did each year, it should be judged on what we did and fought to do to get through each day.
ReplyDeleteOnly something a true writer and thinker would say...!
ReplyDeleteIt makes sense that some people propose you go through two types of puberty. The first is developmental, the one we all look "fondly" back on during our teens. The second is during our mid to late 20's and is considered a more introverted and cognitive type of puberty where we are questioning what we have done, what we wanted ourselves to do, where we are at, and where we expected ourselves to be at this point in our lives.
ReplyDeleteI think this form of puberty is a lot of harder on the very heart of our being because we are more aware of ourselves at this period of time in our lives then when we were at our blissfully oblivious awkward teenage stage.
At 28, I am finally OKay with the fact that we can't possibly get everything right at the time we want it and that we may never get it right at all in our lifetimes. Knowing this has truly let myself be alive. The fact that we are here and we are trying is a testament to the strength we have, the will to keep facing ourselves every day and be beautiful.