DAY 18: Whatever Tickles Your Fancy...

There are about three large topics weighing on my mind today, but I'm only going to talk about one. The other night I was laying in bed reading my Twitter news feed before bedtime (which has become my custom now) and there was one tweet that really struck me. For all you non-tweeters out there, sometimes people start trending topics or subjects and use a hashtag (#) and a short set of words to differentiate that particular topic from others. People can tweet or write comments in regards to these hashtag topics and soon this group of tweets becomes identifiable by simply "#ThingsIKnow" or in my tale that I'm about to share, it was "#FearvsDreams". "#FearsvsDreams" was started by a non-profit organization called To Write Love On Her Arms, or TWLOHA for short. The organization's goal is to give hope to people that are losing it or don't have any left, for the bigger purpose of helping people that suffer from depression, suicide, or anything that's equally debilitating. A couple of weeks ago, @TWLOHA started the trending topic #FearvsDreams and people started to write their one fear and their one dream and @TWLOHA would periodically retweet or re-post people's responses that they received.

@jordanjohnson23 tweets "Fear: That I won't have the courage to take opportunities. Dream: That I'll leave an impact on those I know. #FearsvsDreams @TWLOHA"

It felt like a slap to the face; that big "wow" moment where the truth of it all dawns on you. I've always been big on striving for your dreams, taking a risk, doing something beautiful and fulfilling like traveling the world and learning everything there is to know, or risking it all for true love. Doing grand actions in order to make life an unbelievable haven of bliss for your mind, heart, and soul. Some may say this is unrealistic and the direct result of too many romantic comedy movies or too much Oprah Winfrey but it's something that I've always believed in with all of my heart. That people should do great things in life cause you only get one chance to do it right. Looking upon my own life thus far, I've done the obligatory things I needed to do. An average American girl that has had her own set of personal struggles but did well in school, got a college degree, a decent job to be proud of. Once the momentum of obligatory tasks (i.e. schooling) had slowed down around the age of 22, I started having this uneasy feeling that I needed to do MORE. Uproot myself and move out of New Jersey (where I had been all of my life) or travel around the world (Eat, Pray, Love style) or attend more social gatherings (i.e. bars, parties, concerts, etc.) to have those unbelievable great nights of fun & laughter with friends. Essentially, not being so afraid and responsible and guarded. Now that I am almost 26 years old, can I say that I had done any of those things? NOT AT ALL. In nine elementary words, some random stranger managed to give life to my greatest fear - the one thing that has been haunting me for several years now. I've fallen into that trap of being safe and responsible, a quick one-way ticket to the exact kind of person that I DON'T want to be and swore I would never be. I'm becoming a disappointment to myself and that's one of the worst ways to feel. To look at yourself in the mirror and think that you've failed yourself. So what tickles my fancy today, is to become more of the person that I always wanted to be and dreamed of being. No more denying my own happiness cause of this and that. I deserve to be happy and even though it may be scary as hell, I need to start truly living my life and not being a spectator to everyone else's beautiful journey. Thank you, @jordanjohnson23 & @TWLOHA, for providing me with the one simple sentence that made me snap out of it.